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Jakob’s Family: The Psychology of Trans-Generational Trauma

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Did you know trauma can time-travel?

Yep, that’s right. Studies suggest the effect of a traumatic event can be passed down like an heirloom generation to generation.

It’s called trans-generational trauma and it’s handed down through parenting styles, cultural practices and maybe even genes.

Jakob’s Family

To better explain the concept -let’s consider the hypothetical tale of Jakob, a holocaust survivor and 1st generation immigrant to the United States in 1949.

(I chose this particular profile because trans-generational trauma was first observed in holocaust survivors and their children during the 50’s and 60’s. Find out more about this here: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/21/study-of-holocaust-survivors-finds-trauma-passed-on-to-childrens-genes)

Jakob is a man who’s understandably developed PTSD after such traumatic events. Unfortunately, he lives in a time when mental health is not necessarily well understood. So Jakob’s stress disorder remains untreated.

He gets married in 1960 and has his first child, William, the same year. Two years later, along comes Mary, his second child.

Jakob is a hard working man who finds success as a steamfitter in New York City. He’s a family man with a nice home, a car, and money in the bank.

In secret, however, Jakob can’t escape the nightmares, flashbacks, and survivor’s guilt he feels. He’s always felt he could’ve done more. More to save his mother and sisters. More to fight back.

He slowly turns to alcohol to dull the pain. He drinks to quiet the accusatory voice in his head. His addiction has a serious effect on his family who deal with an increasingly angry and often violent father.

The family starts to develop routines and coping mechanisms of their own to deal. William starts fights at school, abuses drugs and lashes out at his parents. Mary is plagued by a severe anxiety disorder.

The First Generation: Dealing With Parental Trauma

One of the main ways trans-generational trauma operates is through Parental Trauma. This is when a caregiver psychologically damages their child because of the parent’s own unresolved mental health issues. (More about that here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stuck/201605/the-trauma-emotionally-toxic-parenting)

As you can see, Jakob’s children are deeply affected by their father’s inability to soothe his emotions properly. They in turn will transmit the pain their parent inflicted on them to their children in time.

But we’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Both William and Mary enter adult life with untreated Complex Post – Traumatic Stress disorder a response to sustained stress during childhood.

This obviously has a huge effect on the rest of their lives.

In William’s case, he gets incarcerated in 1981 for domestic violence. At the age of 21 he’s sentenced to spend the rest of his formative years behind bars.

When he finally gets out he quickly falls into the same patterns of addiction. Only now the stress is worse due to the stigma of being an unemployable felon.

William never seems to get back on his feet. He lives out the rest of his days in and out of rehab and homeless shelters. Eventually, he settles in retirement community for the chronically mentally ill where he passes from a heart attack at the age of 65.

A More Insidious Pattern

Meanwhile, Mary is doing better. At least on the surface.

As a child, Mary was shielded from her father’s physical violence by her brother. But that doesn’t mean she’s not unscathed.

Because she wasn’t physically abused she feels deeply responsible for both her father’s pain as well as her brother’s.

This leaves her with a smoldering case of guilt and a substantial amount of low self-esteem. She makes up for this by being as perfect as possible. She also enables William’s bad behavior.

By 1982, Mary’s got a loving husband and a couple of children; but her unquenchable anxiety makes life anything but happy. She has to be in control of everything and everyone.

Her need for control strains her marriage. A convert to Catholicism, Mary doesn’t believe in divorce and remains in the unhappy union, causing further stress to her children, husband, and herself.

In her old age, Mary finds joy in being a grandmother and mother-in-law, albeit a nosey one.

The Second Generation: Abandonment, Addiction, and perfection

Consequences of Abandonment

The next generation of children, Jakob’s grandkids, have it even worse.

Due to drug addiction and homelessness William’s child, Theo, is subjected to parental abandonment. At the age of 5 he’s transferred to foster care while his father is incarcerated.

Theo bounces around from home to home, occasionally living with his paternal grand-parents. His behavioral issues make school impossible and he feels generally unwanted everywhere he goes.

He gets help from family as well as community support but his life is too chaotic for him to make any meaningful change until his 20’s.

Perfection: A More Insidious Disease

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Mary’s children (Theo’s cousins, Elsa and Eva) have too much structure; often feeling smothered, controlled, and never good enough.

In addition, since Mary had a better relationship with her father, her side of the family is very close to Jakob. This is where cultural influence, another transmitter of trans-generational trauma, comes into play.

The granddaughters grow up hearing so much about what the Holocaust did to their ancestors they internalize the terror and guilt of the situation all over again.

This all combines to give them nervous complexes.

Elsa picks up her mother’s Obsessive Compulsive perfectionist streak. She graduates top of her class in high school and college before attaining a Ph.D. in neurobiology. She goes on to teach at a prestigious college and marries well.

She’s what some people might describe as “high strung.” In truth, she’s got several forms of OCD and struggles with intense feelings of worthlessness. Elsa has to be perfect…or else.

Eva, on the other hand, rebels violently.

Eva struggles heavily with a mood disorder and addictions throughout her twenties. She is frequently hospitalized; diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, a condition that people with past trauma develop 13x more often than those who don’t have a history of trauma.

She’s an incredible artist, but has a hard time keeping a day job due to her mental illness. Eventually she goes on SSID to provide for herself and her young son.

The Last Generation: Hope for a New Future


Cultural Shocks Add on to the trauma

Back to Theo. By 2005, a 20 year old Theo has met the girl of his dreams. He cleans up his act and they have two children together: Theo J.R. and Leonore.

All is right with the world. For a little bit at least.

In 2008, the stock market crashes as the housing market busts. Theo and his wife both lose their stable jobs and the 401ks they were just starting to build. Any savings they had are lost.

Sustained cultural shocks like the downturn of 2008, 9/11, or the Vietnam War can exacerbate trans-generational trauma by lumping more fear and uncertainty onto parents and kids alike.

Because of his abandonment issues, Theo is cold and stand-offish. He has trouble connecting even with his wife and children. This behavior only gets worse during times of stress. He copes by gambling and turning back to drugs.

At some point, Theo’s wife can’t handle it any longer. She takes the kids and leaves.

Over the next two years, Theo battles with a serious bout of depression experiencing homelessness and a relapse into addiction. In 2010, Theo loses his battle with mental illness. He commits suicide at the age of 27.

Theo JR and Leonore are forever impacted by their father’s death. Both struggle heavily with emotional disregulation, anxiety, and depression well into their adult lives.

Leonore becomes a nun after many, many years of hardship, eventually finding true happiness in serving others.

Theo JR starts his own family with his husband. All three of their children are adopted from the foster care system. Their eldest son is named Theodore in honor of his grandfather. They are very loved and have a happy life.

Perfectionism Rears its Ugly Head

Elsa’s daughter, Jane, has been brought up in a stable, loving household. However as she gets into high school around 2012, her parents notice disturbing behavior they can’t seem to explain.

Jane starts self-harming frequently and feels numb most of the time. Elsa and her husband are baffled since Jane has all the love and support she could need. As far as they know, no terrible trauma has befallen their daughter.

They do everything they can for Jane including therapy. One day, the counselor pulls Elsa to the side. Gently she asks Elsa to give a detailed family history.

An ah-ha moment is reached as Elsa relates her own struggles with OCD as well as her mother’s control issues. With the help of family counseling, ERP therapy and medication Jane starts to be able to manage her disorder.

She still struggles but it’s easier now she has the tools to cope. She wants to be a therapist when she graduates.

Growing Up Through Feelings of Abandonment

Jane’s cousin, Thomas, is in a similar boat dealing with depression and anxiety. His parents get divorced during his childhood and he lives with his mom, Eva.

Even though she’s radically improved her lifestyle, Eva still struggles to control her BPD. It’s hard for her to provide an emotionally stable home for Thomas.

Thomas grows up feeling abandoned by both his mother and father. He often wrestles with feelings of sadness, mood swings, and suicidal thoughts he can’t seem to control.

He’s often hospitalized because of his mood disorder. This goes on until he completes a 90 day course based on mindfulness provided by an Intensive Outpatient facility. It changes his life.

Eventually, like his cousin, he finds the right combination of therapy, medications, and positive coping skills. He builds a support network around him to make the bad days a little better.

Thomas goes to trade school for HVAC repair and eventually goes on to own his own business. He teaches yoga on the side and runs a successful YouTube channel called “The Hot Yogi.”

His mom is very proud.

Lessons From Jakob’s Family

Jakob’s family may be hypothetical however they are far from unique. Many real life families follow these exact patterns of trauma transfusion.

Without even knowing it, parents hand down their grief, sadness, addictions and biases. It’s truly amazing the effect trauma can have many years after it’s passed.

It also pays to remember, though, families also hand down their resiliency, love, and strength.

Jakob’s brood didn’t fizzle out to nothing. In fact, for the most part, they thrived. And in the end discovered ways to shape a new, kinder world.

So there’s always a chance to make a new choice as Jakob’s great-grandkids did.

If you’re reading this, you might be the one to make that difference in your family’s future. If you feel like there’s no explanation for your mental illness or if you’re just plain curious I urge you to ask the following questions.

Questions

What emotional patterns/coping mechanisms does your family participate in?

What life changing cultural events did your ancestors go through?

Could it be possible your family is handing down things that might be unhelpful?

What was the relationship between your parents and grandparents like?

What was the relationship between you and your parents like?

What rituals can you change moving forward with your own family?

I’d love to hear what you come up with! Until then.

Much Love,

MB

Resources/references:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgenerational_trauma

http://counselorsforcouragetruthjustice.weebly.com/action-idea-3.html

The transgenerational trauma and resilience genogram:
Rachael D. Goodman Counseling and Development Program, College of Education and Human Development, George Mason University, Fairfax, VA, USA.

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Mad as Hell Mental Health Rights Advocate. Likes margaritas, long walks on the beach, and JUSTICE.

3 Comments

  • mentalhealth360.uk

    What another great post Maria. I loved how you depicted each of the ‘characters’ and how Jakob’s brood didn’t fizzle out to nothing in the end. You could write a book on that “story” alone 🙂

    Like you I’m always asking “Why?”

    I went through all those questions many years ago, during therapy and in recovery. It was great to be able to work out the answers, learn from it all and pass on some knowledge of coping skills and managing emotions effectively to both my sons and patients.

    I see how my sons have thrived.and discovered ways to shape a new, brighter and kinder world. Most of all, I love the way they love their partners (one has a wife and the other a long-term girlfriend) and how they enable growth and self-development in the girls.

    Love Caz x

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